The Martial Law

 

On December 4th, 2024, martial law was declared in South Korea for a very brief moment.

 

I received Instagram DMs from friends of various nationalities overseas.

"r u Ok James?"

I felt nothing.

 

It wasn’t the first time. There were moments long ago when my mind was clouded like a cold in the heart. Times when medication made me realize that my once firmly held judgments were wrong, and I had to correct them.

But this time wasn’t like that… Why… What is this..?

 

So I asked, "What for?"

 

"The Martial Law, isn't it serious in Korea?"

 

Ironically, when I first went abroad to study, the political situation in South Korea was already turbulent.

It was because, for the first time since the 2000s, a presidential impeachment had been upheld and finalized by the Constitutional Court.

 

At the time, I was practically forced to learn English terms like impeachment, Constitutional Court, and others to explain the situation in Korea to the friends I had grown close to. Haha.

 

This is my life now.
My career is a tangled mess. At small companies, I get filtered out in the document screening process, but at big corporations, I always make it at least to the third round.
Recently, I’ve been rejected by three companies at the third or fourth stage due to issues like my career not aligning with commercial engines or slight memory lapses. Haha.

 

Anyway… In the end, I chose to study abroad again. I told myself I would never set foot on this land again… Or rather, I was being pushed out like someone obsolete. At least I had one thing I was undeniably better at than them: fluent English.

 

Of course, I plan to keep trying to find a job until 2025, but if that doesn’t work out, I was planning to return to Canada.

But now… there’s an obstacle called martial law.

On top of the already high cost of living and the hurdle of being unemployed, the foreign exchange rate skyrocketed due to martial law.

And so, I’m now at a crossroads where I may have to give up studying abroad.
I’ve saved a decent amount of money, but honestly, it’s only enough to last me a few years at most.

 

Anyway, back to the original story—I explained to my friend using information I found on Naver.

"A weak earthquake is not a big deal in Japan, North Korea's missile firing or martial law is not a big deal in South Korea... I guess."

 

In truth, that’s half right and half wrong.
Our daily lives still go on. We go to work, have conversations, stay home, or go shopping…
But everyone knows how serious the aftermath could be.

It’s like a distant undersea earthquake growing into a massive tsunami that will eventually sweep over our country.
Our stock market, already dominated by individual investors rather than institutions, saw the few remaining foreign investors swept away by the tsunami.

Even the stocks I held for my study-abroad funds plummeted.

Does fate truly exist?
Is it my destiny not to leave?
Or is this God telling me not to go abroad as I wished?

Or… is all of this just a coincidence?

I feel so frustrated and alone.

About a month ago, I had a fortune reading.
I’m told I have a destiny of loneliness. I’ve always been skeptical about fortunes, but this one seems accurate.
In workplaces or social gatherings, I always play the clown. I try to make people laugh, to lighten the mood, even at the cost of making a fool of myself.

And when the gathering ends, loneliness creeps in. Because I’ve never truly felt loved by anyone in my life.
That’s why I changed my name again a few days ago.

This is my third name now.

At this point… I don’t know anymore. All I can do is hope things work out.

Loneliness… I’m used to it now. Sometimes it’s unbearably suffocating, but still, I’m used to it.

But at the very least, I just want to live a busy life, working hard, and doing well.